HUNTSVILLE, Texas — Students at Sam Houston State always ask Matt Burrell if they can see his tattoos. The senior offensive lineman on the Bearkat football team usually obliges, but he always makes sure to tell them his real tattoos are underneath the ink on his left arm.
When Burrell was in middle school, he began to cut himself.
"It was scissors, not a knife" Burrell said. "Whatever I could get my hands on."
Throughout high school, the All-American football player from Northern Virginia continued to hurt himself as a way to deal with emotional pain. To hide the scars, Burrell covered his left arm in tattoos.
"All these cover my scars," he said. "I put these over top to remind myself of the distractions."
While many thought football was his biggest challenge, it wasn't. The biggest was in his own head.
"It’s one of those things where you relive everything," he said. "I couldn’t breathe. I was angry, I was so defeated."
During that time period, Burrell dealt with extreme anger and anxiety, and even after signing a full scholarship to play football at Ohio State, the internal demons didn't go away.
"I would throw up every morning before practice for weeks at a time," he said. "Nobody ever knew so what do I say, what do I do?"
He also went from being "the guy" in high school to being a backup with the Buckeyes.
"I’m a two, a backup, and I got treated that way," he said. "I didn’t know how to voice it so it came off as a defensive. I wasn’t myself and it took me to a dark place."
After spending three seasons in Columbus, Burrell knew he had to get out. He could have transferred to another power five school but instead, he decided to take his only official visit to Sam Houston State to meet coach Stapleton.
"The one thing I keep preaching to him is to control your own story," David Stapleton, Sam Houston State's offensive line coach, said. "You can use whatever you want as a crutch, but that’s not how to live life. Everyone has an issue. If he understands that he can control his own narrative and the things he can control, he’s going to be a successful person."
The change of scenery started Burrell's recovery, but he still wasn't fully himself during his first season in Huntsville. His playing weight was just 247 pounds. However, Burrell continued to battle through it all, building up his support group and rekindling a relationship with his parents.
The biggest change though is that he's about to become a father.
"Coach Keeler talks about why, why do you do it, what’s truly your why," he said. "I don’t really have a why and this popped up and yeah, this is a good why for me."
Burrell is as happy as he's been in a while and it's showing on the scale. He's back up to 295 pounds which is big enough to get attention from NFL scouts.
"As a football player he’s grown dramatically from when we first got him. He’s playing like an all-conference level player," Sam Houston State head coach KC Keeler said.
Burrell's been to rock bottom, blocked suicidal thoughts and survived, and now he hopes his story can help someone else do the same.
"Nobody has a right to crumble," Burrell said. "You have no right to crumble, no right to give up. You have a choice to give up, but you wouldn’t be here if someone gave up on you."