(Maggie O'Mara, KTVB)
BOISE -- Ashlee Birk's life was turned upside down in 2011. That's when her husband's affair with another woman turned deadly. He was shot dead, leaving her betrayed, and alone with five young children.
"My husband was killed for having an affair and three people's bad choices left me at a crossroad for deciding which way my life was going to go," said Birk.
Since then, Ashlee has made incredible strides. She's written a book about faith, hope and forgiveness - called the "Moments We Stand - Silence Breaks."
She is remarried to a wonderful man. But even she admits, her family is still on a path to healing.
Today, she appeared on the Dr. Phil Show. She came face to face with Kandi Hall, the woman who had that deadly affair with her husband.
Maggie O'Mara talked to Ashlee about the show, what she hoped would happen, and what actually happened.
"Dr Phil contacted me like three months ago," said Birk. "They wanted to help me promote my story and my book, and the pathway of forgiveness and healing that I have been working so hard for."
In 2011, Ashlee Birk was devastated to find out that her husband and the father of her five children - Emmett Corrigan - was dead, and that he'd been having an affair with Kandi Hall.
"Just an explosion of emotion," said Birk.
Kandi Hall's husband Rob Hall shot and killed Corrigan after finding him with Kandi.
"For a year and a half I was so angry and especially at Kandi and Emmett," said Birk. "For me the one who brought the gun wasn't as bad as the two who ripped apart my marriage. Forgiveness has been for myself, because I'm never going to hear from Emmett, I don't know that I'll ever hear from Rob and Kandi, but I have to be okay with that."
Ashlee thought the Dr. Phil Show would be a way to share her message of hope and healing after betrayal and tragedy.
"They contacted me a few days before and said could you lift the "no contact" order just for the day," she said.
That "no contact" order is against Kandi Hall.
"Maybe I misinterpreted but I really pictured maybe she was in a spot where she could really have some empathy for you," said Birk. "You guys could have that healing moment together."
But Ashlee says that's not what happened.
The wife and the other woman came face to face.
"No, it was more like a surprise," said Birk. "I was thrown out there on stage and all of a sudden she was across from me, and actually I don't remember the things I said or did. But, I do remember feeling a lot of feelings from the past that I didn't want to feel."
"Your marriage did not end because of me, stop nailing me for everything," said Kandi Hall on the Dr. Phil Show.
"I'm not nailing you," replied Birk.
"Oh you are!" said Hall.
"So I felt a little, I guess the word is violated," said Birk.
The closure that she had so hoped for was off the table.
"It was almost like taking the wounds from the past and putting a little salt in them…like you know what, you weren't enough and you were an idiot," said Birk.
You had an affair with her husband, you seem highly offended by this whole thing!
"It made me feel icky," said Birk. "It's not what I came on the show for. I also didn't want to say something that I would regret, so I didn't talk a lot."
Ashlee says if she could go back in time, she wouldn't do the show.
"For me, a Hollywood version of forgiveness was what we got, and I went on there with the hope of true healing. It sure didn't feel like it for me," said Birk.
"What I really wanted to do was to tell her that I forgive her, and I am ready to move on and I hope that she's finding the same path of healing and fighting for it, because I'm sure she's been through her own pain."
For now, Ashlee Birk says she will continue to promote healing and forgiveness, even in the moments when she doesn't feel like she's there yet herself.
"Some days I still fight that broken feeling, but I don't, I don't let it win," she said. "Our healing journey is our own, and it's not the job of someone else."
Ashlee has thousands of followers on her Facebook page who are inspired by her journey.
